I can't sleep. Cuz, i just realised i keep thinking about the operation. Fight it okay? I really want you to be able to see the world. No matter how ugly it is. I want you to be able to constantly judge the world as it is. It's important, because memories are stagnant. They fight for attention. They draw you in, and they do everything to stop you from going back. They consume you, but do not swallow you. They trap you. They seem to still give you choice, between staying, or jumping in. Its screwed up.

But there's always the 3rd choice. Do everything you can to jump out and not look back. Its hard. People tend to forget about this choice. Please don't forget it. Then if you lose sight of it, its okay. I'll find mine. And then we'll try to share it.

Because innocence is also a knowledge in itself. Not understanding is sometimes the way to find the answer. When you don't understand, you are more clear of what you want. And you will get what you want, because you don't understand that you can't get it.You're less tired, and you can go on and on.

You might think you've lost that innocence, but it always remains there somewhere. I think that.
I don't know if it can come back. But it's okay. Just feed off mine. And then we'll share it.

You probably don't have much choice in the matter, but just hang in there. Don't let the feeling fade. Then if that's not enough, and you lose the feeling, it's okay. I'll try to feel it for you. Just open up and let me in. And i'll be able to hear you. And then we'll be able to share it.

Its okay if you're trying but you can't open up easily. Because it happens. To me. To everyone. And then somehow they get it out. Because they keep trying. But thats not the point, because its different for you. For you, its hard because you've never had anyone ask for it. And now you do, you try, but can't get it out. It's okay. I understand what you are trying to say as long as you are trying to say it. The thought will hover there. And then we'll share it.

You feel screwed up sometimes, but at least i make you feel better. Any better. Slightly. 你累了。But you go on, thinking if you fall asleep, you won't wake up. It's okay. You can sleep. Anywhere you want. I'm the wall. And then I'll wake you up. And then you can go on.

So this time, just focus on being able to go on. For now, just don't sleep yet. Because the operation will make you more tired. More memories to try to swarm you. More innocence taken away. Lesser things you can do about the situation. More thoughts being locked in place. But it's okay. Just believe fatigue can go away. Memories can be put behind. Innocence can be shared. There's always a choice. Thoughts, can be conveyed in many ways. Just hang in there, and all these will be there. And then we'll share it.

written on
12:56 PM